Tuesday, April 04, 2006

'Twas time to say goodbye

I'm posting this from home, Vizag. I thought I would make one last post from campus, before I shut down the comp and packed it. However, like every other time in my life, I had lots of packing left to do and loose ends to tie up before I left campus and so there was no time to post. There was no time to say a proper goodbye to my friends and all the other wonderful people I met at IIMB, no time to look back nostalgically on my two years on campus. I just hurried into the auto, kept balancing the luggage and checking the time and promptly fell asleep after getting on the train.

When I think of it, that is how I have always been – letting myself (and maybe the others around me too) down at, for lack of a better description, the moment of denouement. For example, just when my Mom is about to make an emotional speech after my graduation, I mumble something about having to return the robe and hurry off. Just when my friend is about to tell me how much she is going to miss me, I look at the time. Just when a guy is about to tell me he is interested in me, I simply have to make the most mundane comment.

Well, that’s as it is. I miss campus incredibly, and it’s just been a day since I left it. It’s been a roller coaster ride, the last two years. It’s brought me the unhappiest moments of my life, but also some of the happiest. And my two years here have changed me so much – for better or for worse I’m not sure, but changed I certainly have. It’s been what a book would describe as a ‘life changing experience’. I have more corny lines coming up but shall refrain from using them, for the benefit of the readers of this blog.

There were so many firsts in IIMB, for me. I guess there are some initiation ceremonies most people go through during their first stay in a hostel. It’s so wonderful that at any time of the day, you can just wander around anytime you are bored and find someone to talk to. It’s a world in itself into which outsiders can just get a glimpse but never enter – I love that feeling.

Sleeping in class, back to back sessions of movies and TV shows, long bitching sessions on bracket, the arbit folder, L-squares, cribbing about the mess food, last minute submissions, CP, Unmaad, GBM’s – there is so much I’m going to miss about IIMB. But the sense of sadness is not just about leaving IIMB – it’s because my days of being a student are over. These are the days I will look back on wistfully. And all too soon, they have come to an end. How do you describe the sense of loss one feels when you know something magical is over, as you knew it was going to be, someday, but the someday came too soon and took you unawares?

For the first time in 5 years, coming back home hasn’t made me as ecstatic as it usually does. But I’m glad for the beach. I’m glad that my sister is home too. But I’m most of all glad for the internet and the air conditioning. Well, you can expect me to blog a lot more often now that I’m home and have nothing to do. But the nothingness could also mean I have nothing to blog about. Let’s see how it goes.