Friday, March 25, 2005

Homeward Bound...

Bin busy. Put 5 nightouts in a row. Im gonna sleep good tonight. Its a happy thought. But 2 weeks of hardwork for such a chill term is perfectly allright with me.

The seniors got placed a week ago and left for trips to different parts of the country. Actually, most of them went to Kerala and bumped into each other. They are all coming back, probably for holi celebrations and their last L^2 this saturday and then the convocation on Monday. I've seen convocations only in movies, so Im really looking forward to this. Its gonna be held at the OAT and starts at 6pm.

The placements have been good but there has been enough about them in the newspapers. Whats important to me is that I got treated by Vidya, Ali and Nikhilesh. A couple more are in the offing. Such things truly gladden the heart. Eating out reminds me that ive been blacklisted for mess overdues...and im the only girl in that list, as Kodhi pointed out. I wonder if that carries any implications.

My summer internship is in Bangalore. Though it would have been good to go to Bombay or some other place I havent been to, im really glad I got Bangalore instead. Firstly, the weather here is better in summer than in any other city. It saves me the trouble of clearing my room, storing my stuff, finding accommodation in the new city etc. It means I get to go on trips every weekend to Munnar, Coorg, Ooty, Mysore etc.Lotsa IIMB junta staying on in Bangalore for their summers, including Nike, so it will be good fun too.

Joining date is on 11th so I leave for Vizag on the 3rd, on the train 2 hours after I hand in my MacroEco endterm paper. It'll be good to go home. Sit by the beach for hours. Corn cobs and murri mixture at the beach. The feel of sand under bare feet. The sound of the waves. Nothing, anywhere in the world, comes close to the magnificence of the sea.

Home also means food - 'pappu', 'ulava charu', chamdumpala fry', mom's dosas - I get this treats only once in 3 months now. I appreciate them so much more. The icing on the cake - mangoes and ice apples. I wonder if I could get a mango basket or 2 along on my way back!! And ice apples!!! Ahh!! I missed them so much when I was in Hyderabad. I tried my best to make up for 3 summers of missing ice apples when I spent most of last summer in Vizag.

Sleep. Read. Gult movies. Even a little TV!! Old friends. Visit old teachers. Drop in at school. Long drives along the coast. Drive a brakeless, rickety old Kinetic. Hmm...home's gonna be good. Some things never change.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Screw Up!!!

Today, we screwed up our C&S presentation BIG TIME. I was expecting this to happen but the scale of the screw-up was breathtaking!! I loved this course and I love the Prof. In fact, despite knowing I would get bad grades, I bid for Advanced Corporate Strategy (now renamed Strategy & the Organisation) for Term 4. Well, I dont want to go into details of why the screw-up happened. We could have tided over the bad PPT if we had done well at the Q&A. But we all just kept contradicting each other and made utter fools of ourselves.

I havent felt this bad since I gave up completely on acads after Term 1. I remember being in tears after a very bad ManComm presentation in Term 1. I often got down and depressed when marks came out in Term 1. And then Term 2, I got way too caught up in personal problems to really care.....for the first time in my life, acads became completely insignificant. And then when Term 3 started, I decided id give it a good shot but my priorities in life had changed.....drastically.
I had always been a good student right from school. Throughout, I studied only at the very last minute and still managed good grades. The only time I prepared for an exam throughout the teaching period was when I gave CAT. Otherwise, I have always been the kind who sits in the last minute and mugs. There are people like that who do well in exams because they listen in class. I never ever ever listen in class. I daydream...and at IIMB, I sleep. Yet I managed to do well in acads in school and college because even if I sat a day before the exam, Id study like crazy.....12 hours a day types. And for the rest of the year, i would have fun.
So what changed in IIMB? Is that I could not cope with the competition? Maybe...quite likely. Still, I could have done better than I am doing now. I think in the 1st term, the quant orientation psched me out completely.....moreover, I completely lost focus on acads.....there was club work, there was 24/7 free internet, there was hostel life and new friends, long phone conversations and chats with old friends, an active extra curricular circuit on was like a whole new world opened to me and I was so involved in exploring it that acads, though they remained important, were not treated with the focus I had.
Then Term 2 came with resolutions to do much better. But I was dealing with the one and only problem in my life at that time.....there was a time when I truly and seriously considered leaving the insti because I was so unhappy. I was worried about more important things than grades.....I simply didnt care about grades.....I cried myself to sleep every single doesnt think about grades when one is in a situation like that. Now, armed with the weapon of retrospection, I can say that I could have avoided it so easily. I am largely to blame for allowing it to reach the stage it did. Im also at fault for making it larger and more unsolvable than it was. If I had dealt with it calmly and coolly, or taken certain steps quicker, things wouldnt have reached the stage they did. And now.....yes, it is a BIG lesson and one im not ever going to forget.....but then, the incident hasnt left any permanent scar on my mind!!
When I was coming back for Term 3, I wondered if I was going to become grade oriented this term. I knew I should be. But then, I had changed. In school, I was extremely ambitious and worked because of the competitive spirit...I didnt like too many people doing better than me, especially my friends!! And in 12th and college, it was because my grades would affect my admission depending on 12th marks and college marks affecting my chances of admission into a top B-School. And so I had ambition, a goal...and studying was a means of achieving it. So I studied since I had motivation. I do not believe in studying for the sake of studying.....ridiculous!!!
But now, I dont really see the purpose of great grades. I dont have that driving ambition anymore. It has been replaced by a sense of satisfaction that has made me extremely laidback. Im in IIMB now. I've gotten this far. I dont give a damn about high-paying, high-flying jobs. If by some grave error, some I-Bank or Consultancy offered me a job, im not going to take it (I admit the salary is extremely tempting but the work way!!!). All I want is a simple straight forward job in an NGO or in the HR department of a small firm. I'll be quite happy with a salary of 35k in hand, which Im sure to get here anyway, whatever be my grade.
So studying wasnt going to serve any purpose anymore. Somewhere along the line I had changed from an ambitious individual to a very laidback one who was happy to just stand and stare as the world went along. Sure I want to travel all over the world and I will. I want to write a book...someday. I want to study history or politics or english literature at Oxford/Cambirdge. I want to be a Ph.D. I want to clear the civils and go into the IFS (foreign, not forest). I want to become a politician.....a corrupt one. I want to adopt 2 kids. I wanna live in a small city by the seaside.....yeah, Vizag. Other than the travelling and adoption parts which Im sure I will do, I strongly doubt any of the others will happen. Oh yes, I will definitely write a book but again, I doubt it will ever be published. But I dont mind if any of these dont happen either. There is nothing wrong in dreaming, as long as you dont have a clause that those dreams should become a reality. Im a dreamer and an optimist.....a Pollyanna.....but even I admit that its not reasonable to expect all your dreams to come true. But thats no reason for me to stop dreaming, is it?

Monday, March 07, 2005

Long time due...

Well, this update has been due for 3 weeks now. Not good at all.
So let me jus sum up what I have been doing the past three weeks...though I dont really see any point in doing this except to maybe look back on this blog many years down the line and sigh at all the fun I had and all the other stuff old people usually do when looking at diaries/photographs etc of younger days...

19th Feb: I go to this pub called the Bunker with some 7 other people. It is a nice looking place. Then went to a tiny little Chinese restaurant called the Green Onion for a light dinner.
I came back at midnight to the hostel and then rushed off to Club X with another set of 7 people. I was Kima's date for the day...or rather, the night. Incidentally, I had my first Peach Snapps and it tasted damn good. I shall not say anymore about Club X coz it would reveal a lot of gossip which isnt meant for a public blog at all.
About 5ish we went to the airport for some chicken rolls and reached campus at 6am. I slept all of Sunday and got up at 4pm.

20th Feb: I went out with Andy and Nike. We went all over the place searching for the place of that choreographer guy. He has a neat looking place...real nice.Then went to Levi's for Andy to use his coupon and then, since all of us were starving we ate quite a lot.And then I came back and slept. The rest of the days follow suit in a similar wasteful, aimless fashion.
21st Feb: I saw The Incredibles at PVR. It was damn cool. A real fun movie. And for all of you who have seen it on the small screen and liked it, you must get to see it on the big screen. Definitely worth it!! Anyways, morning shows at the PVR are damn cool. Tickets are 50 bucks for all shows starting before 1pm Monday to Thursday so it works real cheap and good fun too.Srikar, an old TIME classmate was on campus for his IIMI interview so gave him a lot of gyaan.
22nd Feb: Samee's bday.I went to Commercial Street to buy her and myself a couple of tops. I love Commercial Street when it comes to shopping. It has from the cheapest to the most expensive stuff and some really cool stuff. Bought hajaar stuff and pockets were visibly lighter. Then went to Brigade Road and bought a pair of Levi's with my coupon. And then had dinner again at Peco's. be continued!!