Wednesday, August 29, 2012

When the shit hits the fan

So I came here to put up a long whiny post about how everything seemed to be going wrong with my life right now. I feel like I can see a bit of my life and plans unraveling in front of my eyes - and even as I frantically try and stop it from unraveling thus, I have a feeling that I am fighting the inevitable, that there is only so much that I can do, but things have to play out the way they are meant to. I'm rarely so fatalistic but they way things have been going for the last couple of weeks, I see little to be positive about, especially in my current frame of mind.

To cheer myself up, I planned a four day trip to Kerala with Nike for the next week. I booked us into a very fancy Taj resort in a hidden corner of Kerala. And since our usual budget for a hotel room is in the INR 1000 - 2000 range, this is serious luxury for us. And I thought we deserved it, considering how we've had a couple of major setbacks the last month or so. 

I was really looking forward to this trip. Even joking that this was the only bright spot in an otherwise bleak looking horizon. But right now, I don't like my husband so much. He is easily irritated, quick to take offence, snaps for no reason, is as sarcastic as hell, and loses his temper without so much as a by your leave. And it's all directed at me. And today, I didn't want anymore of this. I'm normally big on sitting and thrashing it out, even if I have to plead/bulldoze/beg/blackmail the husband into sitting down for the conversation. But today, I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to discuss it; I just wanted a break from it all.

I realise now that it's possible to love someone, and yet not like them at times. Which is what I feel towards the husband right now. Strangely enough, it's what I feel about my sister too a lot of times.

Anyway. Now this Kerala getaway has begun to nag at me. I don't want Nike to come. I don't see the point of paying so much money to have someone be rude and awful to me in gorgeous surroundings. So I'm pondering if I should go alone or ask a friend to join me. I normally enjoy the occasional solo travel, but I'm not sure if this is an appropriate place for that. I like solo travel in cities, in places with museums and galleries, not in scenic places wher you just sit around and soak in the landscape. Though they do have a massive spa so I could make like one of the heroines in a chick-lit and pretend I'm getting over heartbreak and use the excuse to get all sorts of spa treatments!

I could ask a friend to come along but it's really short notice so flights will be expensive and trains will be filled up. Moreover, I'm going for four days in the middle of the week so it will be difficult for any of my friends to get leave at such short notice. Sigh! 

Making up with the husband is an option, I suppose. The longest we've ever fought in our seven years together is about 24 hours. But for too long, we've been fighting about this, we've been making up within hours, and then the issue comes up again in a couple of days or in a couple of weeks. And this time, I don't want to quickly resolve this, and then have to deal with this shit again when I come back from Kerala. 

Aarrgghh! Oh well, at least ranting on this blog has helped me feel better and breathe easier.  So hopefully, see you soon, in a sunnier mood.