Friday, July 25, 2008

I’ve had the most awful week ever.

13th July, Sunday: I accompanied my friends on a shopping trip, and came back feeling rather depressed because I had put on weight. The depression wasn’t so much because I had put on weight per se, but because I had put on weight after embarking on a healthier lifestyle. So much for that, gah! Since I was upset and out in the sun all day, I had a severe headache that Sunday. To top it, because I thought I’d put on weight, I overdid things and did 100 crunches at a go that night.

14th to 16th July, Monday to Wednesday: Thanks to my misplaced enthusiasm of Sunday night, I developed stomach cramps which lasted through Monday and Tuesday. I felt better on Wednesday and enrolled for aerobics classes.

17th July, Thursday: Thursday morning I woke up and discovered an eye problem which sent me into a major panic. Though the problem corrected itself in a few minutes, that evening, I visited the ophthalmologist. He told me that the problem had been caused because of stress, and that I should relax (otherwise the stress levels could build up and I would have to undergo surgery as I grew older and took on more stress and tension).

18th July, Friday: I decided to heed his advice and went to a party on Friday night. At the party, I tripped and fell down and hurt my knee. It bled; I washed it and moved on. After a while, at the party, I was leaning against a lamppost in the garden and talking on the phone, when the lamppost (and I, along with it) fell down. Most embarrassing it was.

19th July, Saturday: I woke up on Saturday afternoon, feeling rather tired from last night’s excesses. And then, for the rest of the day, I threw up everything I ate and had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Sigh! Also found out the bruise was bigger than I had assumed it was.

20th July: I decided on Sunday that today was going to be a new beginning, and the awful week was past. So I accompanied my flat mate to campus on some work, and ate chocolate doughnuts at the CCD there, and came out feeling very nostalgic. I then met Nihar for a couple of minutes before going with Tibs for Kismet Konnection. Then Tibs and I bought some groceries and went home. My Mom had just come down to Bangalore on some work, and she was staying over with me that day.

Just when I thought things were getting better, my Mom checked the bruise on my knee and said that it was bleeding and in bad shape and packed me off to the hospital. There I was told that the bruise was infected! The bruise was cleaned and dressed, I was given a TT shot, and put on antibiotics.

21st July, Monday: My knee continued to hurt and I limped around with a bandage. Moreover, my left hand showed some rash and started to ache slightly – thanks to the shot.

22nd and 23rd July, Tuesday and Wednesday: My knee still hurts and I limp around. The rash still exists. And I have an upset stomach – possibly thanks to the antibiotics I am on. I also hear some bad news at office.

24th July, Thursday: My knee still hurts and I limp around. The rash still exists. And I have developed a slight mouth ulcer.
It’s been the worst weekend in a long time. The bruise isn’t healing yet – or its healing so slowly that it isn’t even noticeable. I’m trying everything – dressing the wound, leaving it open, cleaning it, not cleaning it, everything! The rash on my hand hasn’t disappeared either, though the ache has. To make things worse, thanks to the knee, I cannot drive and am completely dependent on autos. Moreover, I had paid a fortune to enroll in aerobics class last week, and haven’t been able to go to a single class this week because of the knee – and though I know I wont bloat up just because I’m not attending aerobics classes or going running for a week, I feel emotionally fat!

The only good news is that I am going to spend the weekend in Hyderabad. I shall catch up with family and friends, spend some time at home and eat more home cooked food, and visit my favourite spa and relax and rejuvenate! I’m keeping my fingers crossed in the hope that atleast the weekend goes as planned, without any fresh complications.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Unbearable Fatness of Being

So I’ve been a thin person all my life. In fact, I was a very skinny kid, and thin as a teenager. Every time I met relatives after a gap, they would exclaim about how thin I was, and insist that I needed to eat more and put on weight. I was a fussy eater, but the food I did eat and enjoy were all unhealthy and fattening – aerated drinks, butter, bread, white rice, ice creams, chocolates etc. I never exercised. Despite such an unhealthy lifestyle, I continued to be a thin person. So I just assumed I would be thin all my life, maybe it was in my genes, and that was it!

When I went to college, the girls in the gang I hung out with were thinner than I was. They were painfully skinny. It didn’t bother me much because I knew I was slim, and was happy with myself. I continued my unhealthy lifestyle through college. Even after I started working, there wasn’t much difference. Between 2001 and 2007, my weight fluctuated within a range of some 5kgs – and my BMI always indicated that I was underweight. My college clothes still fit me, people laughed when I said I wanted to start working out, and I was most certainly in the slim category.

So I was happy with myself, and life moved on. Then came 2008. And with the new year came the realisation that I led an unhealthy lifestyle. So I decided to turn over a new leaf – start exercising, eat healthy foods, cut down on unhealthy foods. But the lifestyle change was a painfully slow process – in fact, it took me almost 4 months to start it on a conscientious basis. So from April, I cut down on the colas, I cut down on the ice-creams, I cut down on the chocolates. Luckily at around this time, I seemed to have lost the appetite for pizzas, fries, chips etc.

I also started running on and off. I ran because I wanted to be fit and healthy and wanted to build my stamina. I enjoyed running, I enjoyed pushing myself, I enjoyed the tired feeling I got after my run. It was the only physical activity I did and it made me feel good about myself. However, I never ran regularly because I was either travelling, or it rained, or I had other plans for the evening. Yet, I enjoyed running occasionally, and it made me feel good, and made me hope that I would be building up my stamina.

So there I was - trying to lead a healthier lifestyle. Drinking lots of water, not skipping meals, trying to avoid unhealthy foods, exercising occasionally (and hopefully that would become regular soon). While this wasn’t doing much, I had never been more conscious of my health and fitness before, and it made me feel good. I felt good about myself, and I was proud of making an effort, however small, toward leading a healthier lifestyle.

And then the unthinkable happened – I PUT ON WEIGHT! And how! All the clothes which fit me well earlier have become tight for me. All the clothes which were loose for me earlier are fitting me now. My middle is expanding, my thighs are widening, my arms bulging. I moved from underweight on the BMI chart to ideal weight. I am now officially – dare I say it – the waist size I always dreaded being. And all this in just two months – the very two months since I embarked on my journey towards a healthier lifestyle.

(Okay…..I kind of fell asleep at this point and lost the thread of the post so the next paragraph is just a perfunctory ending).

What the fuck! I am so puzzled and dismayed and have been obsessing over it for the last few …days. Bloody hell! I am so MAD. I think this whole healthy lifestyle is bullshit. I think I should just go back to doing what I used to do before – which was basically nothing.

*Steam goes off! End of rant*