Because Karma is a B!*&#

Since I don’t have any babies, and don’t foresee having any babies in the near future either, I fully and freely exercise my right to judge all parents on their parenting. Because, of course I know much more about how to bring up kids than the parents of said kids themselves. This is what happens when people think they are well-versed in the theory, but don’t do the practicals.

But those were the good old days of yore. Not anymore for me the luxury of grinding my teeth because the kid sitting next to me on my flight/train/insert preferred mode of transport is making this a journey to hell. Not anymore for me the pleasure of munching my popcorn and sagely commenting on the inappropriateness of bringing infants and toddlers to movies not meant for infants and toddlers. Not anymore for me the joy of contorting my face into what I imagine are scary expressions, while wagging my finger at badly behaved tots, all while nervously glancing around to make sure their parents don’t see what I am doing.*

In the last couple of months, my life has seen an astounding reversal, as I leave the ranks of the judgmental, ignorant masses and join the much maligned ranks of people who are stepping out of the four walls of their home with an infant. All because my SIL had a baby six months ago! Now, I live with my ILs. The baby also lives with my ILs. Ergo, baby and I live in the same house. This isn’t really a bad thing because baby is incredibly cute and very interesting and when she screams I shut the door to my room.

But the difficult part comes when we got out of the house with baby in tow. I am terrified that this baby is going to throw a tantrum and behave badly and have everyone around cursing us – and that would just be my karma coming to bite me in the ass, for all the times I cursed other people for their badly behaving babies, little realising that babies, even 6 month old babies, seem to have a mind and will of their own which can’t be matched by the combined will of baby’s parents, grandparents and assorted aunts and uncles.

Last week, we went shopping for shower heads (yes, I live in exciting times!). Since my interest in shower heads petered out about 5 minutes into seeing what looked like the billionth shower head in that store, I offered to carry the baby around so that the rest of the family could focus on the shower heads. For over an hour the baby was happy and cheerful, though I can’t say the same for my arms; but I suppose there are only so many bath tubs and kitchen sinks that a baby can look at before she starts wailing, and for those few minutes that she wailed while I rushed to hand her over to the MIL, I was more panic stricken than I had been when I waited for the CAT results.

But today, we are upping the ante. We are taking baby along to see Agneepath. In the movie theatre. I tried suggesting to SIL that maybe the audio-visual stimulation of a three hour long masala movie on the big screen is too much for a 6 month old to handle. But she is a doctor, and she said that it wasn’t a concern at all. But because I am nothing if not persistent, I slyly googled for articles and studies which proved that it was bad for a 6 month old to be taken to a movie hall – and I came up with nothing. Nada. Zilch! When I think of the billions being poured into scientific research, and see not one such article, I despair about the current state of scientific research.

I then tried wriggling out of the movie, but to no avail, since SIL is determined that we should all go together to the movie. She even postponed dinner at the home of a family friend for this purpose. My ILs are very Hum Saath Saath Hain that way. Especially when viewed from the prism of my own dysfunctional family (I offer you the mild example of this New Years Eve where I had to call Amma, Dad and Samee separately at midnight even though they were in the same house, because they were all on different floors, doing different things!)

And so, to Agneepath we go. I have made SIL promise that if the baby gets restless or looks like she is about to cry, she will be taken out of the theatre. In fact, I’ve made it sound like such a noble thing to do that MIL and SIL are actually arguing about who should carry the baby out even as I type this post. I have also made sure we have pre-booked the movie tickets (which we almost never do) so that we get the seats closest to the exit. And now, I shall steel my nerves, gird my loins, and such like and proceed forth. Wish me luck!

*Before you jump to baseless conclusions, this is not a really round-about pregnancy announcement. Now  do scroll back up and read, do. 

Of This and That

My sister-in-law is expecting a baby girl (they live in the UK) and everyone is very excited because this is the first baby in the in-laws family. A couple of days ago, the mother-in-law was discussing what would be an appropriate gift for us to give the baby, and unsurprisingly, she suggested gold, only to be scoffed at by Nike. She then suggested we could take out a policy in the baby’s name.

“For what?” asked Nike, sounding rather horrified at the suggestion of so much money being spent on a little baby (since baby = vague concept in his mind)

“It will come in useful when the baby grows up and gets married” replied the MIL

Now, if my mum or any of my aunts had said that, I’d have bitten their heads off. But I don’t share that kind of a relationship with my MIL (yet?). So I had to deal with this with tact. I began doubtfully “Marriage? Really...”

My MIL immediately interrupted “Well, okay, not for marriage. But atleast it will come in useful for her higher education”.

I think I may yet make a feminist of my mother-in-law.

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Yesterday, while talking to Dad over the phone, I asked him what Amma and Samee were doing. “They are eating munjulu” says he.

“Ack! Munjulu!” For most people, the best part of the summer is mangoes. For me, it is munjulu. In my head, munjulu are tied up with memories of countless languid, carefree childhood summers spent at my grandparents’ farm.

“Yes. Samee buys two dozen everyday and they polish off the entire two dozen between the two of them. Every day!” he replies, oblivious to the fact that I’m turning green with envy over the phone.

“Nanna, I’m coming to Vizag next weekend” I announce.

Dad is taken aback. “Don’t be silly. Nobody travels 700 kilometres to eat munjulu.”

For now, he has dissuaded me. But one weekend before the summer is over, I am going home, and I am going to gorge on munjulu till I am sick. Ha!

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I have a long commute to work – 90 minutes one way. Which means I spend 3 hours in a day sitting in a car. Sigh! While going to work, I can’t talk to anyone over the phone because all my friends and family would be busy getting ready for work. It’s not so bad on the way back home, because I either talk on the phone or take a nap. But the commute has become so much more bearable ever since I hit upon the solution of listening to audio books. I was sceptical about whether I would enjoy listening to books, but it has been a surprisingly positive experience: I close my eyes and focus on the recording, and then I can imagine what is happening in the book in even more vivid detail, I can pause the recording at interesting moments to reflect upon it.

Unfortunately, the first audiobook I had downloaded was Anne Bronte’s ‘Agnes Grey’. It is a slow, dull, dreary book; and the heroine is so full of overwhelming and needless self-pity, so bloody self-righteous, such a Ms. Goody Two Shoes, so judgemental while pretending not to judge, and generally so boring that I felt like whacking her hard many times through the book. It was rather a test of patience finishing ‘Agnes Grey’. But now I am listening to ‘Anna Karenina’ (been many years since I first read it) and so far, I’ve been enjoying it.

Of course, the voice of the person reading the book also adds to the overall experience. ‘Agnes Grey’ was read by four or five different women, and while I really enjoyed listening to some of them, some voices were just unsuited for the book, and made the listening tedious. For ‘Agnes Grey’, the voices I felt were best suited for the books were soft, young voices with a British accent. By that logic, Anna Karenina should ideally be read by someone with a Russian accent (!) but so far a young lady with an American accent and an expressive manner of reading has made the Anna Karenina experience very enjoyable.

Go to www.librivox.org to listen to and download audiobooks. It’s free and its legal. You can also volunteer to be a reader there. I’m thinking of volunteering too – it sounds interesting and fun!

Much Ado about Nothing

It’s been exactly four weeks since we moved to Hyderabad and my social life has gone from busy to incredibly hectic. In the last four weeks I have:

•  Met up with friends from my college gang thrice
•  Hung out with S, my best friend from college, about half a dozen times
•  Hung out with Gundu, my best friend from school, about half a dozen times, and     even met his friends here
•  Met KK for lunch
•  Hung out with Mahi, my cousin, quite a bit
•  Spent three Sundays at Pinni’s place, one of which was spent helping organise a suprise birthday party for Babai’s 50^th. Also spent time with cousins and Samee, who came down to Hyderabad for the party.
•  Saw five movies at the cinema – Ala Modalaindi, Rio, Teen Maar, Dum Maaro Dum and Shor in the City
•  Shopped lost – spent one day buying formal wear, another buying a desk and a bookshelf and finally a HTC Desire HD for Nike.
•  Helped the in-laws host a dinner at their place (by help I really mean I made conversation with the guests!). Also attended dinner at Nike’s Maami’s place once.
•  Went out for dinner alone with Nike twice.

Yes, all this in just four weeks. I also managed to see a couple of movies at home and read two books. Far from being tired, I thrive in the midst of so much social activity. On a day when I come home after meeting friends for coffee, I’m hyperactive. On a day when I come home directly from work, I’m all tired and need to take a short nap before I can bring myself to sit down for dinner and make conversation.

Now I have an equal number of friends, if not more, in Bangalore. But my life wasn’t a whirlwind of so much activity there, and generally, Nike and I spent a lot more time just by ourselves than we did with friends. The key difference here is that almost all my friends in Bangalore are married; in contrast I have only one married friend in Hyderabad. And in terms of ‘hanging out’ unmarried friends are much better than married friends, atleast in my experience (Like I keep telling my married friends, I’m just going to make friends only with younger, unmarried people from now on. The first question I will ask people is “Are you under 25 and unmarried”. If yes to both, only then will I consider the possibility of becoming friends with them. Of course, I’m aware that if everyone decided to use these criteria, I‘d be no one’s friend). 


I'm now ending this completely pointless post (because the rest of my posts were educative, informative and inspiring. Duh) here without even editing it because I want to put it up on the blog before midnight so that it shows that I've written TWO blog posts in April. Score!

Catching Up

So I’ve been pretty busy in the last two odd months that I’ve not posted. First, there was the exam to prepare for.  Those two months I had to prepare before the exam – they were two of the most miserable months I’ve had in recent years. The first one month was spent in a state of panic – “Oh my god! There is so much to study! I’m never going to finish this syllabus”. This state of panic led to a general sense of misery, which led to eating a lot of ice cream to cheer myself up, which led to a cold, which led to headache. It was a vicious cycle, dear reader, a very vicious cycle.

After a month of this, I told myself firmly that nothing was worth my happiness and health. And so what did I do? I more or less gave up on the preparation. No one can say I do things in half-measure, eh? But this didn’t lead to happiness and health either. Because when I told family and friends that I wasn’t preparing seriously, they would go “Yeah, we know, that’s what you always say, but you’ll get through, we believe in you”. This touching, but unfortunately misplaced, belief in my academic abilities led to guilt. So then guilt – ice cream – cold – headache.....you get the drift, right?

Anyway, those two miserable months finally got over, though I didn’t think they ever would. The weather in Bangalore was fantastic, there was just that light nip in the air to indicate that winter was starting. And oh, it was festival time too, what with Vinakaya Chaturthi and Dussera and Deepavali. And through all this I wallowed in my misery. See, my life is actually very smooth and easy and problem free – its quite the perfect life actually – and so when I come across even the slightest little bump, I make a big deal out of it and behave as if the world is coming to an end.

So anyway, the exams finally, finally got over, and brought an end to my misery. I went home to Vizag for a week after that. This time, Nike came and stayed the whole week too – this was the first time he was spending so much time at home – he’d come only once before, and then for just 2-3 days – so I was excited that he would get a taste of life at my home.

I had a lovely time at home. During the day, while Nike worked, I went out and met friends. In the evenings I pottered around the house. And dinner time and later was family time. Every time I’m home, the days just fly by. I had so many plans for this week I was going to be home, but none of them got done, and I don’t remember what I did either, because the days just pleasantly merged into one another.

Well, we went to Hyderabad from Vizag, and from there commenced our Grand Trip. What Grand Trip, you ask? I wanted to do a whole post about it, dramatically announcing the Grand Trip. Instead, I end up doing it at the end of a rambling post about nothing! Huh! Anyway. So like I said, Nike and I are now on our Grand Trip. The GT is a two and a half month trip across South East Asia. In these two and a half months, we will be spending time in Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia.

It’s been 10 days since we set out, and right now, we are in the Philippines, where we will be till the end of the month before we head out to Thailand. We've been having a fantastic time so far. Maybe another day, I will do a post on how and why we are doing this. But for now, let me just say it’s our way of celebrating one wonderful year of being married (our first wedding anniversary is this Thursday!). 

Till then, bahala na!

Home!

This week I did (seeing as I am typing this post just a few hours before I am going to go back to Bangalore) a short trip home for my mother’s 50^th birthday. My visit was a complete surprise for her, and as I opened the door, she just stood agape at the threshold, completely taken by surprise. That was so worth it!

I took an overnight train to Hyderabad and then Pinni and I flew down to Vizag. We reached a day before her birthday and surprised her. The day of her birthday was spent cleaning up the house and making arrangements for the surprise dinner party we threw for her. It wasn’t much of a surprise considering how we were cleaning, not an activity you would otherwise catch Samee and me doing for love or for money. But it was a good party, with most close friends and family there, good food, lots of laughter.

I bought her a stove as a birthday gift. I can’t help but wince at the thought of buying her such a boring gift, especially because she doesn’t even like to cook, but that is all she wanted (which I could afford) so I gave in gracefully (ahem!) and bought it.

The day after the party, the whole gang headed out to the farmhouse. It was raining throughout, and the farm was a brilliant green, looking fresh and lovely. We then headed out for a trek to some nearby caves. By this time, the raining was coming down quite heavily, and we voted in favour of doing the trek even if it meant getting drenched. But the heavy rain became a torrential downpour, and even the drive became a pain because of the low visibility so we turned back to a grandmother’s house close by, where we hung around chatting and playing with their incredibly adorable one month old puppy.

After we reached home, we had Ash and Sim over for a while. Ash and I have been friends for over 15 years now. But then, that is part of the charm of growing up in a place like Vizag.....it’s a city where everyone knows everyone, and it’s difficult to not become friends when you end up running into each other everywhere; suddenly you stop and look back and you realise that even though you’ve left home long ago, and gone and made many more friends, some of your dearest friends remain the ones you’ve known all your life.

My friend the Scottish Muscleman (SM) came home too, and after we saw off Mahi and Buns at the bus stop, we went for a long drive by the beach. SM was in low spirits, and he passed them on to me too, so we ended up discussing topics which just depressed both of us. Once he dropped me home, Samee snapped at me while I bore her attitude with calm and patience (truly!), and then went and cribbed to Ma about it, who of course grabbed the opportunity to muse aloud at length on the ills of our generation.

But Sravan served me a huge scoop of Strawberry icecream, and as I type this post while my cousins and (currently) hateful⃰  sister play cards next to me, I feel awful about having to leave tomorrow. It’s like this EVERY SINGLE TIME I come home. I don’t have it in me to leave the day I’m initially supposed to so I inevitably end up postponing my departure by a few days. This time though I decided to stay firm (also, there are no tickets available for the next one week :-p ).

So I’m off tomorrow, and I will see you on the other side of the journey soon. Have a good weekend!

⃰Whattodo! My sister and I have this love-hate relationship. As do most sisters. No?

Already, I feel so guilty about hating her in this post that I want to declare my undying love for her and give her my new pink shoes; though I actually wont of course.....they are PINK shoes!

Sigh! I should have just wished for a brother. Would have made everything a lot less complicated.