Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Because Karma is a B!*&#

Since I don’t have any babies, and don’t foresee having any babies in the near future either, I fully and freely exercise my right to judge all parents on their parenting. Because, of course I know much more about how to bring up kids than the parents of said kids themselves. This is what happens when people think they are well-versed in the theory, but don’t do the practicals.

But those were the good old days of yore. Not anymore for me the luxury of grinding my teeth because the kid sitting next to me on my flight/train/insert preferred mode of transport is making this a journey to hell. Not anymore for me the pleasure of munching my popcorn and sagely commenting on the inappropriateness of bringing infants and toddlers to movies not meant for infants and toddlers. Not anymore for me the joy of contorting my face into what I imagine are scary expressions, while wagging my finger at badly behaved tots, all while nervously glancing around to make sure their parents don’t see what I am doing.*

In the last couple of months, my life has seen an astounding reversal, as I leave the ranks of the judgmental, ignorant masses and join the much maligned ranks of people who are stepping out of the four walls of their home with an infant. All because my SIL had a baby six months ago! Now, I live with my ILs. The baby also lives with my ILs. Ergo, baby and I live in the same house. This isn’t really a bad thing because baby is incredibly cute and very interesting and when she screams I shut the door to my room.

But the difficult part comes when we got out of the house with baby in tow. I am terrified that this baby is going to throw a tantrum and behave badly and have everyone around cursing us – and that would just be my karma coming to bite me in the ass, for all the times I cursed other people for their badly behaving babies, little realising that babies, even 6 month old babies, seem to have a mind and will of their own which can’t be matched by the combined will of baby’s parents, grandparents and assorted aunts and uncles.

Last week, we went shopping for shower heads (yes, I live in exciting times!). Since my interest in shower heads petered out about 5 minutes into seeing what looked like the billionth shower head in that store, I offered to carry the baby around so that the rest of the family could focus on the shower heads. For over an hour the baby was happy and cheerful, though I can’t say the same for my arms; but I suppose there are only so many bath tubs and kitchen sinks that a baby can look at before she starts wailing, and for those few minutes that she wailed while I rushed to hand her over to the MIL, I was more panic stricken than I had been when I waited for the CAT results.

But today, we are upping the ante. We are taking baby along to see Agneepath. In the movie theatre. I tried suggesting to SIL that maybe the audio-visual stimulation of a three hour long masala movie on the big screen is too much for a 6 month old to handle. But she is a doctor, and she said that it wasn’t a concern at all. But because I am nothing if not persistent, I slyly googled for articles and studies which proved that it was bad for a 6 month old to be taken to a movie hall – and I came up with nothing. Nada. Zilch! When I think of the billions being poured into scientific research, and see not one such article, I despair about the current state of scientific research.

I then tried wriggling out of the movie, but to no avail, since SIL is determined that we should all go together to the movie. She even postponed dinner at the home of a family friend for this purpose. My ILs are very Hum Saath Saath Hain that way. Especially when viewed from the prism of my own dysfunctional family (I offer you the mild example of this New Years Eve where I had to call Amma, Dad and Samee separately at midnight even though they were in the same house, because they were all on different floors, doing different things!)

And so, to Agneepath we go. I have made SIL promise that if the baby gets restless or looks like she is about to cry, she will be taken out of the theatre. In fact, I’ve made it sound like such a noble thing to do that MIL and SIL are actually arguing about who should carry the baby out even as I type this post. I have also made sure we have pre-booked the movie tickets (which we almost never do) so that we get the seats closest to the exit. And now, I shall steel my nerves, gird my loins, and such like and proceed forth. Wish me luck!

*Before you jump to baseless conclusions, this is not a really round-about pregnancy announcement. Now  do scroll back up and read, do. 


Disha said...

agree..i totally sympathize.making the lil one not sleep before the movie should somewhat guarantee a smooth movie watching experience.good luck!

subbulakshmistoned said...

Karma bites my bum on a daily basis. More than 20 times a day. Pch.
(Hrithik was so awesome no? Sigghh)

akucobalebihbaik said...

I comes from Indonesia, visiting here to support this blog.

Life Unordinary said...

i have no kids myself but bite my tongue before commenting on others' parenting skills, Maybe I need to be as bold as you:)

Pesto Sauce said...

Agneepath was horrible, atleast you had something else for company

Ramya said...

@Disha: Surprisingly, she didn't utter a peep through the movie. And then when we came home and someone laughed loudly, she started crying. Babies are so strange!

@Subbu: Haha. But yeah, I like how good the man look even in dirty jeans and a baniyan.

@Life Unordinary: Haha...I was kidding about that. I don't comment on others parenting skills. Except in cases where it's just really for example, in this darkened movie theatre, this two year old kid was lost and wandering around looking for her parents and crying her heart out and terrified because of the loud, dark theatre - and the parents were so lost in the movie that they didn't even realise their child had wandered off (and she had been away for atleast 5 mins) until we walked up to the screen and carried the kid up in the air so they could see her and come and get her! It's only in extreme cases like this that I feel they were bad parents. Or when the child is behaving badly with others in a public place (like this kid who kept snatching things from everyone around her in a train) and the parents dont even TRY to address her behaviour. And even then, while I may judge them nine ways to sunday (thank you, penny) in my head, I never say anything to them.

@Pesto Sauce: Hehehe

Chindi Chitranna said...

"How CAN the parents of that kid..." comes very easily to me too. I try to keep my trap shut, but sometimes can't help :D How'd the movie go?

DI said...

I totally totally agree. I have always judged people who brought along wailing babies to places which are honestly not meant for babies at all. And for that very reason we are off movies unless we have someone to mind the baby at home.
Luckily for me, The Dude feels exactly the same way, and we pretty much go out of our way to not let Zo be troublesome in public places! I hope we stay this way :)

Ramya said...

@Chindi Chitranna: Yeah, I normally shut up because I don't like being 'the bitch', you know? But sometimes, one's gotta do what one's gotta do! The movie went surprisingly well....the baby didn't utter a peep through the entire movie!

@DI: You know, I was a little concerned that parents who read this post might be offended. And my intention wasn't to offend - it's just that I feel some places are inappropriate for babies. And I am so relieved you agree. I wish more parents were like you and The Dude! :-)

Cheap Tap said...

There are so many annoying things in the Taps UK, do not let the Bathtub Taps to chaos! Smoothly with the leader, often people do not feel it's there, but mainly with its spool, Pull Out Kitchen Taps, switch the way.

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