The Last Ten Years

This past decade has been quite eventful for me – I left home for college, I met people who would become some of my best friends, my long held ambition of going to one of the country’s best b-schools was fulfilled, I fell in and out of love, I met the guy who I would eventually marry, I became financially independent, I learnt to love the work I was doing, and I also found the courage to leave behind a steady job and income to do something else. Phew! So much of my life till now took place in the last 10 years!

So today I decided I am going to write about the five most important lessons I’ve learnt in the last 10 years, with the hope that the lessons I’ve learnt in this past decade will serve me in good stead in the next decade.

·           It’s okay if things don’t happen the way you planned. I was all set to go to Delhi for undergrad when an unexpected setback saw me end up in Hyderabad. I was miserable there for the first year because things didn’t turn out the way they had planned. Once I managed to let go of my misery, I actually enjoyed myself in Hyderabad. And made friends who till date remain some of my best friends, people who are among the first I turn to in times of trouble and need or in times of happiness – and for that reason, I am so grateful that life didn’t go the way I had planned.

When I didn’t get into IIMA, I was rather upset because that’s where I had planned to be. Now, if I could turn back time, nothing would induce me to go anywhere except be, for how would I have met Nike otherwise? And these two experiences have taught me that life will not go as I’ve planned it and that sometimes, for reasons unknown to us, that’s for the best!

·           Sometimes it’s best to learn to let go. While I get along easily with people I meet for the first time, I take a long time to make friends. But once someone is a friend, they are a friend for life. I’m the kind of person who will forgive a friend anything, and hang on tenaciously to the friendship. However, over the past few years, I’ve learnt to let go of friends when I felt they aren’t interested anymore. And it’s been a hard lesson to learn. When I think of the friends who aren’t really friends anymore, for various reasons, it breaks my heart – and yet, I no longer have it in me to doggedly keep up a one-sided friendship.

·           You aren’t always the person you think you are. Because I was confident and outgoing, I always thought of myself as a strong person. And then, when I was 20, I landed myself in a very difficult situation. And instead of responding like a strong person would, I ended up reacting in a most lily-livered fashion. Looking back on that event, there are so many things I wish I had done differently. But most of all, I was shattered by how weak my behaviour was through the whole episode – it was like seeing a new side of me that didn’t exist, and I wasn’t proud of me.

And while the biggest take-away from that entire episode was that I promised myself that I would be a stronger, braver person, it also made me understand myself better, forced me to acknowledge some of my (many, many) shortcomings, and work on them.

·           It’s not alright to not be able to take care of yourself.  All my life, I stressed so much on women being financially independent that I never thought about people being independent. When I left home 10 years ago, I’d never done anything by myself – never went to the store to buy fruits/vegetables/groceries, never carried luggage, never cooked, never did any household chores, never paid any bills, nothing! Living in a small city with well-connected parents and in a home with adequate household help can do that to you.

But the worst part was that I was actually proud of it. Proud that I was pampered and cosseted. The years have taught me better. I’ve learnt that it’s not enough to be financially independent, that one has to be able to take care of oneself too, in order to be independent in the true sense.

·           Live for today.  This is a philosophy I picked up along the way to adulthood. And it’s a philosophy I endorse completely. Sure, I look forward to the future with eagerness and anticipation. And I look back on the past with fondness and nostalgia. And yet, I live for today – I believe in making the most of now, and this has made me a very, very happy and a very content person.

And that’s the end of class for today folks. ;-) I’m going to leave you with this song.

Happy New Year

Here is wishing 2011 brings lots of happiness, love and laughter. Happy New Year!

Yeah, I know I’m late on the New Year party, but I’ve just been so so so busy the last one month. In this year, I’ve already been to Thailand, Vietnam and Malaysia, and I’m now at the airport waiting to board my flight to Singapore. I’ve actually thought of about a dozen New Year themed posts but I’ve not had the time to sit down and write even a single one.

So what did you do for New Years Eve? You know those people who say ‘It’s just another evening. What’s the big deal? ; well, suffice to say I’m NOT one of those people. As a child, I had the most uneventful New Years Eves – we’d all sit around and watch television, cut a cake at midnight, make a couple of calls and go to sleep. One memorable (NOT!) New Years Eve was spent on a bus from Vijaywada to Hyderabad. I’d make a fuss about having a party at home or atleast attending a party or event we had been invited to, but we stuck to the same old routine.

And so, with the dramatics that was so typical of my childhood, I vowed that when I was grown up, I would not spend New Years Eve in such a boring fashion. Yes, I actually made a vow like that. No, I can’t say anything in my defence except that I have a love of melodrama.

Anyway, I use this whole ‘boring childhood NYE’ shit as some sort of Freudian justification for the excesses of my adult New Years Eve. I’ve been in Goa for three of the last six. Enough said. Once in a ‘resort’ in the outskirts of Bangalore. Once in Vizag. And this time in Bangkok. Yeah, BANGKOK, baby!

So I flew in to Bangkok on 31^st December. We headed out to Central World Chidlom, which is supposedly Bangkok’s (supremely inadequate) response to Times Square. The street was spilling over with people – some 300,000 people filled up the street in party mode. And there were food stalls, beer gardens, concerts, and shops all over the place. It was like a crazy festival. At midnight, we saw the fireworks, and then had some street food for dinner and tottered home and hit the bed.

On New Years Day, we woke up late, had brunch at a very nice place, went to a temple (my idea! really! apparently it’s a Thai tradition to go to the temple on New Year, and I believe when in Thailand, do as the Thais do). Then some sightseeing, some shopping, met some friends for coffee and finished off with dinner at an Indian place since Nike was craving Indian food. So if the 1st day is any indication, 2011 is going to be filled with eating, sightseeing, shopping and spending time with friends. Sounds great to me!

Well, so this was just to wish anyone around here a Happy New Year, and to say, yes, I’m alive, and I’ll be back here soon!

In Which My Sister Visits Me in Prison

I got back just a while ago from a late night show of ‘The Next Three Days’. The basic plot is that Russell Crowe’s wife is in jail for murder and he plans to help her escape from jail. The first 30 minutes of the movie gives you a sense of the frustration the woman feels, knowing that she’s going to be spending the rest of her life in jail, away from her family, away from everything she loves; while her husband puts his life on hold, waiting for her to come back, and the young son struggles to deal with the whole situation.

That part of the movie was just.so.sad. Luckily, after the first 30 minutes, the actions starts, with Crowe deciding that his wife is going to escape from prison, and sets about planning the escape. It’s good in the beginning – this is just an everyday guy who is in a desperate situation – and he makes mistakes and his desperation and vulnerability and helplessness really come through. It isn’t what I would call a ‘tight thriller’ – there are plenty of holes in his plan, there’s way too much luck involved – it probably falls more into the genre of ‘crime drama’ than ‘crime thriller’, buts it’s a good watch nonetheless.

Anyway, so there is this really weird thing I have: Whenever I watch a movie/ read a book about an ordinary middle class person, especially a woman, being sent to jail for a crime she did not commit, I start thinking ‘Ohmygod! This could happen to me! I could be in jail someday for a murder I did not commit’. And then I start feeling rather uncomfortable and worried.

Then I plan what to do in such circumstances: Should I try to escape? Should I bribe the jailor so I get special treatment? How will I handle the dirty toilets? The awful food? The miserable living conditions? The rats and rodents? If prison guards or other inmates make a move on me, how should I handle it? Maybe I should migrate to Australia, so that if I ever end up in prison, I can atleast have decent living conditions (this after having read somewhere that Australia’s prisons are among the best in the world).

Suffice to say, ‘innocent helpless ordinary person thrown into jail’ storylines are enough to make me lose the plot (hehe!). Since this movie dealt a little bit around the theme (okay, by now you’ve probably forgotten which movie I’m even talking about) without actually focusing on awful jail life, my thoughts after the movie were more occupied with how my family would deal with me being in jail. When I went home, I found my sister online. This conversation followed:

Me: If I was sent to jail for a murder I did not commit, how often would you come and visit me?

S: That depends on which jail.

Me: Vizag jail. And you also live in Vizag.

S: Okay, then I’d visit you every alternate day. Or maybe three times a week.

Me (not expecting her to visit more than once a week): Wow! You’re so sweet Samee. I love you!

S: I love you too Akka.

Sisters! What would I do without one!

P.S: You know those books or movies in which an ordinary middle class person suddenly becomes rich by winning a lottery or getting an inheritance or something? Well, why don’t I ever think ‘Ohmygod! This could happen to me! I could win the lottery someday and become rich!’ and then spend the next couple of hours pleasantly thinking about how to spend the money.

One Year and Counting

We celebrated our first wedding anniversary last week. I’m afraid I’m going to have to sound clichéd and say that I can’t believe it’s already been a year, it only felt like yesterday! But that’s really how it feels. This whole 10 week holiday is to celebrate one year of being married, and ending the year with a bang, so there wasn’t much more we could do to make the day special.

Friends and family wished us – it felt nice that so many people remembered and cared to call and wish. We went out for lunch to this nice place with great food, and then went for to a spa for some pampering, and then sat at The Coffee Bean and watched the rain. We later went out for dinner to this lovely Mediterranean restaurant perched on top of a hill with fantastic views.

But it was the trip we made the weekend after that was truly special. We went to this magical little island called Siquijor. It was a painful journey getting there – what was supposed to be a 5 hour journey ended up being 8 hours. But we ended up at this lovely little seaside resort with clean spacious rooms, a cheerful staff, and built right next to a little cove which made us feel like the whole beach was all our own, with not a person around as far as the eye could see.

In Siquijor, we watched the most gorgeous sunset ever, and then drove around the island, looking for fireflies in the dark. Dinner was right on the beach – with the waves lapping inches away from our feet. As we drove back to the resort after dinner, our jaws dropped at the stars in the sky; I don’t ever remember seeing so many. So we just sat by the beach again to stare at the sky, and in one hour, we counted nine shooting stars!

The next day, we went scuba diving, and it was F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C. We then drove around the island, had ice-cream for lunch, went to a cute little waterfall where we were the only two people (again), and then idly drove through gorgeous hills and forests. We went hunting for the local black magic practitioners but it was getting late and we also wanted to get back to the resort in time for sunset. Another gorgeous sunset by the beach, followed by a dinner buffet and a cultural show, and capped off the night with hot chocolate while watching the stars in the sky, and listening to the waves.

It was perfect. (This is where I pretend to forget about the tortuous journey back home the next day!).

So it’s been a year of being married, and I never thought I’d say this, but married life has been wonderful. Before I got married, I always thought to myself that married life wasn’t going to change much between Nike and me, given how long we’d been seeing each other by then. To be honest, I had agreed to getting married because I thought it was something that I had to do, not necessarily because it was something I wanted to do at that point – I was happy enough being in a long term, committed relationship, and didn’t particularly want to get married.

But what I didn’t realise is that maybe the relationship needed to go forward, and maybe marriage was the next step. The high that came from the whole wedding – it was a little bit like falling in love all over again, and finding out that you’re grinning for no good reason. We are both now so much more affectionate and caring and considerate towards each other. There is no logical reason why marriage should do this to us, but it has, and I’ve been a very happy girl the last one year.

Of course it’s not all easy. We fight about imaginary finances. We fight when Nike tries to control my bad eating habits (because to me that’s naturally going to lead to his controlling my whole life!). We fight when he criticises me. We fight when he thinks I’m being selfish (though of course I’m not being selfish). We fight when either one of us doesn't listen to the other. But these have been small fights – fights which have gotten resolved with a few hours, and with us never going to sleep angry with each other – and I can deal with them. 

So for this awesome year of being married, for this wonderful person, for having some more people to call family, for all the travel, and for so much more, I’m happy and I’m grateful. Now we can only hope and pray that the years to come will continue to see us both as happy, and that we have what it takes to make a successful, strong and happy marriage.

But for now, it’s off to another island for the weekend!

Catching Up

So I’ve been pretty busy in the last two odd months that I’ve not posted. First, there was the exam to prepare for.  Those two months I had to prepare before the exam – they were two of the most miserable months I’ve had in recent years. The first one month was spent in a state of panic – “Oh my god! There is so much to study! I’m never going to finish this syllabus”. This state of panic led to a general sense of misery, which led to eating a lot of ice cream to cheer myself up, which led to a cold, which led to headache. It was a vicious cycle, dear reader, a very vicious cycle.

After a month of this, I told myself firmly that nothing was worth my happiness and health. And so what did I do? I more or less gave up on the preparation. No one can say I do things in half-measure, eh? But this didn’t lead to happiness and health either. Because when I told family and friends that I wasn’t preparing seriously, they would go “Yeah, we know, that’s what you always say, but you’ll get through, we believe in you”. This touching, but unfortunately misplaced, belief in my academic abilities led to guilt. So then guilt – ice cream – cold – headache.....you get the drift, right?

Anyway, those two miserable months finally got over, though I didn’t think they ever would. The weather in Bangalore was fantastic, there was just that light nip in the air to indicate that winter was starting. And oh, it was festival time too, what with Vinakaya Chaturthi and Dussera and Deepavali. And through all this I wallowed in my misery. See, my life is actually very smooth and easy and problem free – its quite the perfect life actually – and so when I come across even the slightest little bump, I make a big deal out of it and behave as if the world is coming to an end.

So anyway, the exams finally, finally got over, and brought an end to my misery. I went home to Vizag for a week after that. This time, Nike came and stayed the whole week too – this was the first time he was spending so much time at home – he’d come only once before, and then for just 2-3 days – so I was excited that he would get a taste of life at my home.

I had a lovely time at home. During the day, while Nike worked, I went out and met friends. In the evenings I pottered around the house. And dinner time and later was family time. Every time I’m home, the days just fly by. I had so many plans for this week I was going to be home, but none of them got done, and I don’t remember what I did either, because the days just pleasantly merged into one another.

Well, we went to Hyderabad from Vizag, and from there commenced our Grand Trip. What Grand Trip, you ask? I wanted to do a whole post about it, dramatically announcing the Grand Trip. Instead, I end up doing it at the end of a rambling post about nothing! Huh! Anyway. So like I said, Nike and I are now on our Grand Trip. The GT is a two and a half month trip across South East Asia. In these two and a half months, we will be spending time in Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia.

It’s been 10 days since we set out, and right now, we are in the Philippines, where we will be till the end of the month before we head out to Thailand. We've been having a fantastic time so far. Maybe another day, I will do a post on how and why we are doing this. But for now, let me just say it’s our way of celebrating one wonderful year of being married (our first wedding anniversary is this Thursday!). 

Till then, bahala na!