Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Like A Yo Yo

I wrote this post last Tuesday but was too busy to publish it till now. Also, when I wasn't too busy I was too lazy. Or forgetful. Such is life.

Warning: Long, whiny, annoying post ahead. Please feel free to skip and head to the last 3-4 paragraphs; actually, no, I INSIST that you skip the whole sorry post and head directly to the last 3-4 paragraphs.

The last week, everything in my life was going wrong.

At work, I had undertaken a new task in mid-August for a 4 month period, pushing back my main project by those four months. Yet, a month after I had made my new work plan, I was unable to secure a single appointment with the people I needed to meet; basically, I had nothing to show for all my efforts for the past month, I was behind my work plan, my main project was getting delayed, my work load was piling up, and all of this was increasingly stressing me out.

To make things work, my work from home policy had also been changed. Earlier I worked from home about twice a week, so the 3/3.5 hour commute I did wasn’t so bad because it was only thrice a week. But the idea of spending 15-17 hours a week commuting, the very thought itself was enough to make me want to cry.

And then you know the distance learning course I am doing? Well, I covered only about one-fourth of the portion I am supposed to have covered by now. And my exams are in the first week of October *This is the cue for full on panic attack* So I had this assignment to submit last Tuesday, and I spent ALL NIGHT up working on the assignment, and due to a genuine confusion about submission timelines, I missed the submission deadline by a few minutes. Which means I have to defer the module and take it in another session – so the studying I had done for this particular module, the time I had spent working on the assignment, the money I had spent on registering for the exam, they were all down the drain; not to speak of how awful I feel about not being able to keep up with what I had set out to do.

And remember those two personal projects I had mentioned in a previous post (I know that by now they are all beginning to sound the same)? Well, I haven’t so much as started on them, and one of them is due to end on September 30th. And the other one a couple of days after that. Argh!!!   

To make things work, I was constantly disappointing my family. Amma is in IIMA on a Faculty Development Programme and she wanted me to go visit her in Ahmedabad. I booked tickets to go, but every weekend, either or both of us had various commitments and the tickets kept getting endlessly postponed. Finally, I never went, and she’s heading back next weekend. She was there for over 3 whole months, and I couldn’t make the time to go visit her for even one weekend. I can’t even begin to describe how awful I feel about it.

And Nike’s family was disappointed that I was too busy to be involved in the wedding work (Nike’s brother is getting married in October). Cards, menu, shopping, decoration – whatever the task, I cry off saying I have to study or work. So I’m sending the message that I am not interested in being a more active part of this wedding.

Meanwhile, my social life is non-existent. I have seen an average of one movie a month since moving to Hyderabad in April – earlier I would watch a movie a week. I go out for dinner or clubbing about twice a month – again, earlier this would be once or twice a week. And for other stuff – day trips, picnics, plays, concerts etc. – I haven’t had that life since I moved here. I hadn’t met some of my closest friends in MONTHS, despite living in the same city. I hadn’t met Pinni in so many weeks.

And by Thursday, I couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like my life was completely unravelling. That night, my friend A called up and casually asked me how I was doing and I was * this * close to breaking down and sobbing. All this stress and panic got so bad that I started feeling rather unwell; I woke up on Friday morning feeling so tired that it was exhausting to even get out of bed, and I called in sick to work.

And then, the much needed break happened. At noon on Friday, I got confirmed appointments for meetings in Kashmir! This was so many birds with one stone – first, my new task at work was finally taking off, and I know that once the first meeting happens, it’s easy to get the other meetings; second, since I would be in Kashmir the whole week, I would not have to commute; third, working on the field actually saves me a lot of time (because I save time commuting, save the time I need to spend with family, save time in meetings and administrative work at office, and get back to my room much earlier) and gives me more time to study and focus on my personal projects.

And finally, I get a short holiday in Kashmir!

I felt so much better that I immediately planned activities to correct things and prod them along in the other areas also. This weekend, I did wedding shopping and planning with the in-laws, visited Pinni, met friends for dinner, and got started on the . Next weekend, Amma will be in Hyderabad and I intend to spend time with her.

I am writing this post from Kashmir (I landed in Srinagar on Tuesday afternoon) and already, I feel so much better. I’m calmer, more peaceful, and more confident about my ability to handle this phase. I just need to stretch myself a little for the next one month, and I will be fine. So all’s well that ends well.


smartassbride said...

phew. if there was a system to gift time, i'd give you some of mine! i feel for you! but im glad you got that break in kashmir, i hope you get loads of time in the following months!

Anonymous said...

I expected to see your blog updated today as it is the last day of the month.
I too wish that I could transfer some time to you (courtesy: SJS inflicted power-cuts)

Preeti said...

I wish I could echo what the others said and offer some time. Alas. Same boat and all that! :)
I have to say though, that week of yours was far far worse than what I am going through! But hey, you got a vacation in Kashmir. I mean, come on! :)

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