Friday, August 04, 2006


I’m a member of the Hyderabad Chapter of Youth for Equality (YFE). Yes, that very organization that is/was fighting against reservation and made some waves before the interest dies out and the media moved on to other stories. See – I always argued that the media has more power than most entities in the country – but that’s a discussion for another time, another day.

What I want to write about is something very sad and very shocking that has happened. A blind man approached one of the active members of YFE Hyderabad, asking if we could help with a problem. This blind man had sent his 7 year old daughter to their relatives place in another city, for her studies. When the little girl went home to her father during vacations, she revealed that her 45 year old uncle had been raping her over the last 2-3 months. Probably, there was no way the girl could have told her father earlier about it.

The father is blind and very poor. He makes a living by singing in small time religious get-togethers. I salute his hope, his courage and his determination to see that justice is done. It’s been over a year since he reported the case to the Maharashtra police. The police have not even filed a charge sheet as they are yet to receive a report from Gandhi Medical Hospital in Hyderabad. This man is running around between the police station in Maharasthra and the hospital in Hyderabad. He hasn’t lost his faith in the system…yet.

I’ve always been of the opinion that child abuse is rather widespread in India but it’s just that we turn a blind eye to it. Hell, I was fondled, felt up and kissed when I was about 8. I didn’t know what was happening – just that I didn’t like it at all. And even at that age, I intuitively knew it was something bad and never told anyone about the incident. It’s taken me these many years to be able to talk about it. About a year ago, four of childhood friends had a sleepover. And I was shocked to know that each of us had had some such experience when we were kids. For one friend, it was her swimming instructor who kissed her. For one friend it was a fellow churchgoer and for another friend, it was the office boy in her father’s office. And we are all from well-educated, middle/upper-middle class families. And we never told anyone. For even at that age, we intuitively knew that this was not something that was to be made public.

And that is the general tendency – to sweep such things under the carpet for fear of what ‘society will think’, for fear of the possible treatment the child might face from those around her, for fear of running the reputation of the girl’s family. In such a scenario, this brave man is fighting the battle all by himself. After a year in which all his efforts bore no result, his determination has not waned. Courage – someday, I hope I will be able to have some of the courage this great man does.

The news has left me angry, outraged, shaken up. What kind of an animal will do that to a little seven year old? In what kind of an environment did he grow up that he has turned out to be like this? And what kind of a society are we living in that we see such atrocities happening and turn a blind eye to it?

I feel so helpless and wish I could do something. Two members of YFE Hyderabad have filed an application under the RTI Act at Gandhi Medical Hospital. Maybe we should send a mail to the local press. I don’t know what should be done. I’ve heard a lot of such stories but this is the first time I’ve actually been this close to something like this. I don’t have much faith in the system, the police, or the law when it comes to dealing with rape – but this extraordinary father’s belief and determination to see to it that justice is done lets me hope that this time, maybe, just maybe, it will.


Anonymous said...

Sad to know this. But please don’t mistake that its always a case with girls. When I was a kid even I was abused and its a worse case than what u mentioned here. But i don’t have courage to tell anybody even now and I want to settle the issue by myself.

Also I really don’t know what Child abuse is. If we kiss some one showing affection will it b a case of child abuse? When I was a kid, few strangers(cos i dont kno them nor i could recognise them) come to home to meet my parents used to fondle me, does it mean that its a case of child abuse ? When i was in school (during my primary school days) many teachers used to kiss me though i felt uncomfortable, does this mean it is a child abuse. i donno if i was used like a doll by the public to be fondled and kissed. But most of us fondle children and i dont think its a abuse. Also there aint any difference between young boys and gals (Other than how loud or how long they cry).

Suppose if u see a cute baby/kid ard, whom u dont kno, but u r attracted toward that small kid/ baby. If u kiss that baby by showing affection, will u say urself that ur abusing a child ?? How can the kid know until he grows up? Every one says that he/she is fondled and kissed by innumerable no of people when they were kids.

Don’t think too much in to this. U might have come across a ghastly incident and u hav lost ur sense in differentiating things ard you. Also i don’t understand how can a 7 yr old kid can tell that she was raped. Plz don’t relate ur personal experiences. It wont do any gud. Later anyone wd realize that past has gone and u hav to move forward looking for a brighter tomorrow.


vamsi said...

These atrocities over girls of that small age group are really commendable. It is a pity for our society that such shameless pigs lead an unpunished life without even a feeling of guilt. I dont understand the 'thrill' they get by attempting such deeds over small children.
The entire problem lies in our system where it does not show a pinch of interest in curing such cursed culprits who commit such crimes.
I dont understand what the government or our police system can play when most of the culprits are the most deemed 'well wishers' of the little children.
This case, if has to be solved quickly, is possible only if the child's father is given all sorts of help. He must be motivated mentally with utmost care and we should not let him lose his confidence at any point. The association can take steps like aiding the person both financially as well helping him approach the appropriate authorities to make sure the justice is done.
Media, on the other hand will not make any impact. It just advertises the case for its own benefit and the ultimate victim is again the child.
So I wish the best that can be done to punish such shameless guilty pigs of our society.

illusionaire said...

Hey are u in Hyderabad or Calcutta?????

Mane just came down to Mumbai from Gurgaon and told me ur posted there in Cal, and I said no, ur in Hyde. Who's correct?

PSR Chaitanya said...

"What kind of an animal will do that to a little seven year old? In what kind of an environment did he grow up that he has turned out to be like this?"
Seriously.. Must mercilessly kill those bas***ds.Neways a very thoughtful post. Nice job.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm .... Perhaps U should read Freud to know what goes with the Psychological aspect of people ...

That Apart am wanting to w know what else r u gona do about any atrocities than just writting about them here !!!

Da Enigma ...

Enigma Says '' Every thing that shoots up Comes right down and Heavy ''

Gokulakrishnan S said...

I suspect the sociological cost of crimes against women is missed by most. Leave alone socially condemned crimes like child abuse, even white collar crimes like inequitable labour sharing within the household can influence a child's future relationships with the opposite sex including his/her spouse. Under pretexts of 'practicality' and 'custom', the institution of marriage in India deprives the right to self determination to most educated women. While socially acknowledged crimes to women can be controlled, the wrongs done within the educated class to women are virtually unchecked.

Anonymous said...

these cheap F@#$@# should be punished to the maximum extent possible. The agony and pain suffered by the poor girls is unimaginable. How can people do such horrendous acts.

technomerlin said...

these kind of issues demand more than just a comments indicating how touched/moved we are by the problem on hand, or some psychoanalytical nonsense.

heres my take: what can i do to help? I'd like to be a part of the solution and not just another fly on the wall. let me know.

Ramya said...

Vijay: I wish you would stop and think before you type the first thing that comes to your mind. Dont you think there is a vast difference between being kissed and fondled and being molested? And yes, a 7 year old child can differentiate between the two. And I'm not saying that it happens only to girls - I'm sure many boy children are also molested - I was only stating a case I personally came across.

Vamsi: You are right - it is better not to bring the media into this. The father, despite being poor, has not asked for any financial help. All he needs is somebody in Hyderabad who could help him out so he need not travel up and down from Maharashtra all the time. However, I have been out of touch with the organisation for a time now due to some family emergency that came up, followed by an illness. IT's high time I followed up on this.

Ramya said...

Kima: Yes, me in Hyderabad. Actually had training in Cal. So how are you doing?

Chaithanya: I agree with you about mercilessly killing them. And thanks.

Da Enigma: Hmm...and yes,I haven't done anything about it except writing about it and offering financial help. But it is high time I was more proactively involved in this.

Gokul:I couldn't agree with you more. I'v eluckily been brought up in a very liberal household - my Mom earns more than my Dad and neither of them does any housework!! It comes as a shocker to most people - and till quite recently I could never appreciate my Dad's ability to take it in his stride and in fact, encourage my Mom, given what 'society'would think. I'm digressing here, but then, what you have pointed out merits a whole post in itself.

Anon: Agreer

Technomerlin: Thank you! Will let you know soon. How can I contact you?

Vijay Kothagattu said...

Hi, from now on i decided to stay away from commenting on ur blog. hope this suffice. Chalo tc and hav a gr8 fun loving life ahead. tata

Vijay Kothagattu said...

Ramya, seems like u come from a socially and financially well off family. As much as i can understand from your blog.. ur living a fantasy. Just by saying that u can understand other people's predicament is not proper. Sooner or later you will also experience how hard life is in one way or another. U r putting a brave face that you can proactively fight against social evils.. kudos to that... go to any government hospital and spend few days and see how the lives of people r. Just reading and going by media reports gives u an incomplete picture of small fragment.

I admired you for your straightforward and frank expression in your blog. But today I realized that you are a coward deep inside. Because you never experienced the social and financial stigmata of the lesser fortunate people and you don’t even have the courage to experience the actual reality and fear in them.


Anonymous said...

Well let me appreciate ur courage in bringing up such a topic for discussion.
Honestly I dunno who U r, but I can understand the pain and anger.May b there is one thing u can do abt it...U can improve the awareness levels of the scores of ignorant ppl around by, writing abt similar stuff.....U have my support.....

Anonymous said...

Hmmm ... Kudos ... for ur replying to the many posts , u wud make a capable 'pleaser'(one who brings about a smile on some one') if not a leader .

I guess it takes some balls and more of maturty to accept that 'ur wife' earns more than u and u still encourage her ... man I guess I may not qualify for that level of maturty truly speaking ... Too much EGO ...hehehe

So Howz Life treating ya ... I am having a good time reading ur blog .. my humble request ... Can U please write often ...

Da Enigma ...


Apologies that was a BIG one .

Anonymous said...

Ramya : Came across your blog while searching for "Youth For Equality". I am one of the YFE Hyd members too. Very well written article by the way.

As you must have seen the YFE Grp mail, this news has indeed made it to NDTV. I guess Saurabh is the only guy pursuing this issue at the moment. Probably i should try to help him.

koolcharan said...

tis sucks absolutely!f**k,f**k and absolutely no other word for it. hanging from the gallows is the only answer to such f**kin guys like this little girls uncle.

Ramya said...

@Vijay: See, my problem is that when I point out a 'Problem A', you react saying Problem A is quite trivial, why dont you consider Problem B. And that annoys me because people feel strongly about some things and not about some others. You should understand that. Also, considering the seriousness of the post, I think you should really think beofre typing and reflect on what you are saying!

Praveen: Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate your words of support - I feel guilty about not being proactive enough about things I feel strongly about, the least I can do is write about it so people know.

Da Enigma: Will definitely try writing more regularly. Thats a resolution I constantly make and fail to keep,:(

Anon: Yeah, I think Saurabh is one guy with amazing dedication. Definitely something to learn from him.

koolcharan: I know!!! It's very distrubing...makes me so angry but also sad and helpless at the same time!

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