Sunday, October 31, 2004

Cribs in Life

and i dislike most of the people here. Its been boiling for a while now and today, the line was drawn. I dont know if this is what happens when you live in a hostel...most people here are selfish, indifferent,sly. I dont think many people here are honest and straightforward. When someone wants something, it would be nice if they could ask for it in an open manner instead of trying for it in a roundabout way. If someone want to make a judgement about someone else, atleast look at things objectively and get the whole pictur right...but no, that doesnt happen here. What is sickening is that because of all these people, I dont trust anyone at all here. No one here has a sense of loyalty. People here will not raise a finger to help someone else if they think it might even be slightly uncomfortable for them. Friends...thats a joke. Everyone bicthes about everyone behind each others back. Seniors...people I've known for less than 4mnths bitch to me about classmates of theirs, whom theyve known for more than a year. And Im equally sure these same people will go and bitch about me to someone else. I dont whom to trust and whom not to. I still turn to only my old friends for any kind of help. It wouldnt be so bad if this was just a selfish place...selfishness isnt a bad thing at all, but what really puts me off is the hypocrisy. I could probably count on my fingers here the number of people who are honest. I do not lay any grand claims to honesty myself but whatever I say or do, but i dont think im a hypocrite either.There is a difference between a liar and a hypocrite and i hope i am well away from the line where the liar turns a hypocrite. I dont know if this is the attitude they carry over even to their family and close friends but i doubt these people can ever live happily and at peace with themselves.
I feel sad because I have come to a point where I dont really care for anyone at all here. The only people here I truly care for are gv,shivani, nikhlesh my mentor.These are the people i would go out of my way to do things for, people id hate to see get hurt. for the rest, i dont really give a damn. and i feel sad that i have become like this. it isnt how id like to be...and i hate the way im sounding rite now...but sometimes,there is a threshold and u step over it...u just cant let things slide by and not let it bother you...or try to behave like it doesnt really affect you in any way. It does, it does very much...and tears are sometimes such a healer.
I doubt id leave this place with any lasting relationships, except with gv and shivani. I have heard it being said time and again that 10 years down the line, many of your frens are going to be big shots earnign fat salaries and the usual blah. How does it make a difference to me? I dont want to be friends with people like these. I will not be able to point to a single person and say 'he/she will be there for me when i need him/her'...except maybe my mentor. And for someone who has always had atleast 2 people whom she could completely rely on, it is a difficult situation to deal with. But it is in a way a decision made by choice. for conversely, i dont think even id go out of my way for a single person here.I wouldnt mind going out of my way for my mentor and maybe even gv but thtats about it. and thats not liek me at all.obviously, it works 2 ways.
What i really hate is that i simply dont trust people anymore.
My priorities are very different from those of the people around here and im wondering if that is the reason i find it so difficult to liek most of the people here. But that really cant be the was the same situation with my old friends too. im just hoping its the same case as it was wen i first went to hyd...during the 1st year. I thot i liked people easily....i guess i dont like friends so easily.
its highly frustrating...i hate hitting out at so many people like this and when i say 'everone' i know a lot of people do not deserve all of that and it is very unfair of me. But i simply hate what this place is doing to me.I dont like this attitude of looking at everyone in a negative light and then waiting for them to do something so i can change my opinion about them.


Chiru said...

Y did I not see this post for so many days?

NYCGuy12 said...
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Anonymous said...

hey! nice to hear that you got into PwC. btw, hadnt you heard this about the IIMs before getting in? the stakes are so high and the kinda geeks that get in, this is only expected :)

pradeep prabhala said...

was that ur first time in hostel? Ask me about it.. the whole world seems so diabolical.. ! Trust me.. took me a year to figure out life... hehe..
btw atleast my experience has been that corporate life aint very different. but then guess u get thick skinned after a couple of years!! Life moves on i guess..
But reading thru experiences like these would help u search within oneself, that little bit of innocence, deep within oneself :)!

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